Thursday, June 20, 2013
Dreaming of Cleaning
I use a SonicCare toothbrush and love it. It gets my teeth very clean including in between the teeth, at the gum line, and so
on. However, every so often I have to take the brush head assembly off and clean the inside of it because water, toothpaste,
spit, and whatever else collects in there and creates a disgusting, yellowish grim. I rinse the crap out, sometimes using a
Q-Tip or an old toothbrush to get it all, and down the drain. It's truly gross, but the rest of the device is so great, I
deal with the occasional cleaning.
The other night I dreamed about this process. In my dream, it was more filthy than normal and I was spending a lot of time
getting the gunk out. It's odd that I remember this since I very rarely remember I dreamed much less the content of one. And
when I do, I rarely give it a second though as to what it means. Today, however, I Googled "dreaming about cleaning".
I don't give any credence to dream interpretations which are like horoscopes in that they are so vague and philosophical that
anyone can fit some aspect of anything into it. But this one fit with uncanny resemblance to a growing self-awareness of my
life I've had as of late.
"To dream that you are cleaning, implies that you are removing some negativity in your life and overcoming major obstacles.
You are moving ahead toward a new stage in your life. In particular, if you are cleaning your house, then it signifies that
you need to clear out your thoughts and get rid of your old ways and habits. You are seeking self-improvement. To dream that
you are cleaning an object represents an aspect of yourself that is not working or functioning as well as it should. If you
are cleaning the refrigerator or oven, then it indicates that you are getting to root of a matter or situation. It may also
indicate negative feelings about the female role or that you are feeling inferior or stuck in some area of your life. To
dream that you are cleaning out a desk, suggests that you are getting rid of the burdens that has been weighing you down. You
are acknowledging your new choices, decisions, and a new sense of freedom." - DreamCrowd.com
Perhaps not coincidentally, I've had this strong sense that I am in a transition period in my life during the last several
months. Certainly, moving to New York after 12 years in St. Louis was a transition, but it was really just the first step.
My first year here was terribly hard, actually. Only until the final weeks before leaving Missouri and especially in the
months following, did I realize how deep my roots in St. Louis had been. I would have argued I was a free spirit with no ties
anywhere. I would have been right, too, if I was making those arguments when I was 25. But a decade had changed me and I
wasn't aware how rooted I had become.
I had left a large and tight network of friends and entered a period where I had no close friends. The New York culture is
not structured to meet and grow close friends. People here are so busy with their own lives that they have little interest or
time to grow friendships. It is very easy, however, to amass a huge number of phone numbers, but getting any of them to call
you back usually involves having something the other person needs and that isn't usually friendship.
Also, I had given up a lot of tried-and-true routine and was forced to find a new one.
I'm re-finding that balance in my life now. To be a little freer, yet stable. I'm starting to detach from the mental ties I
had to St. Louis and to accept change more easily again. And to be ok with the feeling I might not ever get to do those
things again.
For all of my 20s and some of my 30s, I wasn't interested in my career at all. I simply worked to make money to pay for my
fun. It wasn't until several years ago when I realized I needed to start making better choices with respect to my career if I
ever wanted to get a corner office. There is no place better than NYC to do that, where everyone here is working 200% on
their careers, and now I am making much better choices and am reaping the benefits. Since being in NYC, I've changed jobs
twice, securing more pay and more responsibility and a better title each time.
I've started my process of diving into another interest. Oddly, this one doesn't include a sports activity, instead
scratching an itch I've had since I was in my teens: music, operatic singing to be precise. I'm living in one of the densest
centers of culture in the world and I'm taking full advantage of it. I've been taking private singing lessons for a year now.
I've several taken classes at Juilliard including voice and musicianship. I am learning so much and so fast that my teachers
have commented more than once how amazed they are that I'm only a year into my formal training.
By moving to New York, I achieved one of the most elusive goals I had set for my life. Now I'm here! This is my life! Every
day I'm surrounded with reminders of my ability to attain that goal. It's immensely empowering! But what's next? My momentum
is high right now. I was a rolling stone that had stopped long enough for the moss to grow. Now I'm rolling again and the
moss is has been flung off.
I truly am in a new stage of life. For the first time I feel like an adult, not just a grown up child. I'm starting to form
new goals for the next 5 to 10 years to replace the ones I've worked so hard to accomplish. It's like I have a clean slate
again and all of the freedom to choose how to refill.
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